Anatomy of a Move - pt. 5

Part V - Oricinally Penned on 2/24/2024

For my Twin Peaks Lovers, The Day Agent Dale Cooper Arrives.

And we’re back.

After investigating the possible new home, I told the leasing agent that I’d like to place a hold on the apartment. She said I had to submit my application within 24 hours if I wanted to do that and due to the location of that specific unit, it was likely to go quickly. I needed to act fast. I took it under advisement and immediately got in my car to launch a drive to nowhere. On this brain-fog of a drive the pervasive, relentless imposter thoughts started to stage their coup.

I was flooded with thoughts like, how could I pull this off? How would I tell my roommate? Will she be okay? Am I a bad person for wanting to be on my own? Have I lost my marbles? Will my things fit in that tiny space? Am I punching above my weight? Can I afford this? Sure, I got some help from my dad, but it wasn’t an allowance. It’s not a replenishing fund! Once that money is gone, it’s gone. I still make what I make as a salary. Should I just save my money and move to a foreign country? (Not sure why that one seemed like a better option given the other concerns, but sure, why not add it to the mix?) I swam in this space for a while. I felt excited and terrible and full of promise and dread all at the same time.

When I got home, I mentioned it to my roommate immediately. I hadn’t made my choice yet, but I needed her to know what was going on so that I could be as fair as possible under the circumstances. I’d be moving in only 5 days if I decided to go through with it, and every day counts with that kind of timeline. She was gracious about it, but obviously not thrilled. She started bargaining with me about how we could change things around in the space to accommodate us both better, and while it was tempting, it still didn’t feel right.

The fact was, I had invaded her space for far too long and even though she was completely comfortable with it, I wasn’t. It was time for me to curate my own space, take my dog, and rebuild. The only way that could happen is if I finally made the choice and stuck to it no matter how the news is received.

All night I sat in my room and came up with all the reasons why I shouldn’t do it. After years of wanting nothing more than what I had started to make moves on earlier in the day, I was talking myself out of my dream. The next three phone calls I made / text messages I sent say a lot when I look back at them. I called an Aries, and two Leo’s. I didn’t realize it at the time. Their sun signs never even crossed my mind until days later, but I called three fierce fire signs! Natural born motivators and ride or dies. These are not the people to hem and haw over something. If you want it, go get it. Live your life. I reached out to these three simply because they’re good friends of mine and I knew they’d be straight with me. Every single one basically gave me the “You know way better than this. I don’t even know why we’re talking right now,” eyeballs over the top rim of their glasses face. (None of them in fact said these words, nor wears glasses on the regular btw. This sentence is to convey a vibe, not necessarily retell historical fact.) One of them said, “Okay, answer this question for me. If you were to bite the bullet and submit your application tonight, would you walk different tomorrow? Would you see yourself differently? And if you would, is that different better, neutral, or worse than how you carry yourself today?” Mind. Stinkin’. Blown! That line of questioning did it for me. Before I went to bed that night, I gathered all the things I needed to submit my application and I sent it in electronically. The apartment was officially on hold. Queue sleep.

And I waited.

Luckily, it didn’t take long. I was approved within 24 hours!

Monday, I checked out the apartment. Tuesday, I was approved. Wednesday and Thursday, I packed. Friday, I worked. Saturday, February 25th, I picked up the keys, moved in some clothes, introduced my dream-girl dog to her new home, and worked that night. And finally on Sunday, my sister and her (now) fiancé helped me move the big stuff like my bed and dressers, and that was it. I’ve slept here ever since.

February 25th, 2023, feels like Emancipation Day ... from myself! And I will celebrate it for the rest of my life.

To be continued …